查看完整版本: 上帝的玩笑——二战趣闻

上帝的玩笑——二战趣闻

[b]事先声明,本文部分为网上流传，部分为英文翻译，不过都是转帖罢了[/b]


[size=4][color=black]1。第一个在战场上死亡的德国军人，杀死他的是日本人（中国，1937）。
　  第一个在战场上死亡的美国军人，杀死他的是苏联人（芬兰，1940）。
　  美国战争阵亡名单中军衔最高的是莱斯利，麦克奈尔少将，杀死他的是美国陆军航空队。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=black] [color=red]（盟军代号"刚毅"的轰炸中，后被追认为上将）[/color]

2。战争中最年轻的美国军人是在海军服役的卡尔文。格拉汉姆，当时只有12岁。在后方养伤时被发现慌报年龄被军方起诉（后被美国国会平反）

3。日本袭击珍珠港时，美国的海军司令的姓名是辛克斯（cincus，英文中和sinkus发音相同，意为”击沉我们”）。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=black]美陆军第45步兵师的吉祥物是纳粹的万字饰。
希特勒的私人专列的名字是”美国”（amerika），以上三点因为影响恶劣很快被各自纠正。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=black][color=red]（感觉上辛克斯应该是海军指挥部的名字。海军司令应该是FDR，毕竟人家是总统）[/color]

4。美国陆军航空队的阵亡率要高与海军陆战队。而一个航空兵完成回后方所需要的30个任务中阵亡的可能性为71％。

5。一般的说，飞行员没有”水平一般”这样的说法。你要么是个王牌要么活该倒霉。例如日本的王牌飞行员西泽广义击落了80多架飞机，但他死于一次货机事故。

6。通常的说，战斗机所装的弹药中每5发中有一发是曳光弹以方便瞄准目标。这显然是个错误。曳光弹在长距离上有不同普通子弹的弹道特性，所以如果你的曳光弹击中目标，说明你射出的其他80％的子弹都打空了。更糟糕的是，曳光弹让你的目标知道他被哪个方向攻击。最糟糕还不是以上所说，如果你把曳光弹都装在弹仓尾部，那无异于告诉你的敌人你何时没子弹，你肯定不想那么做的。所以放弃使用曳光弹的部队发现他们命中率和损失率分别上升和下降了两倍。

7。当盟军部队开至莱因河畔时，上到温斯顿，丘吉尔，巴顿将军下至普通一兵第一件要做的事情无一例外都是撒尿，其中以上两位名人还留影为念。

8。德国的me－264轰炸机能够轰炸纽约，但后者缺乏有价值的目标。

9。德国的U－120号潜艇的沉没原因是艇上一个抽水马桶操作失灵。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=black][color=red]（其为自沉于基尔，原因不详）[/color]

10。在诺曼底登陆战役中第一批被俘的”德国人”是几个朝鲜人，他们最初被日军拉壮丁，后来苏军俘虏了他们后他们开始在苏军服役，再后来德国人俘虏了他们，使得他们又进入了德军服役直到他们被美军俘虏。

11。在一阵猛烈的火力准备后美国和加拿大的三万五千士兵登上了基斯卡岛，交火中有21名士兵死亡！。如果岛上有日本人，这个伤亡数字可能会更多。[/color][/size]
[size=4][color=black][color=red]（21人中多数踩了地雷，日本人早就撤走了）[/color]

12.德海军某U艇盯上了一艘单独航行的盟军军火运输船，用鱼雷击中了她，运输船发生大爆炸，船上的轻重物资满天飞。德军U艇洋洋得意地浮出水面观看战果，这时一辆被炸上天的M4坦克从天而降，正正砸在潜艇上，使它成为二战中唯一一艘被坦克击沉的潜艇。

13.欧洲某海湾，德海军的布雷艇每周一、三、五来布雷，英海军扫雷艇每周二、四、六来扫雷。有一天英国人厌烦了没去扫雷，想看看明天会发生什么事。结果第二天德军布雷艇撞中自己上次布下的水雷沉没。英国人把德国人救了上来，德军艇长破口大骂：“你们怎么能这样不负责任？这在我们海军里是绝不允许的！”[/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=#000000]原文：[/color][/size]
[list=1][*]The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. General Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for the allies. [indent]From John Arterbury. Lt. General Lesley McNair was killed by accidental Allied bombing in France (ie: 'friendly fire'). Cite: Crusade by Rick Atkinson
Further, from Captain Robert A. Lynn, The highest ranking U.S. general killed by [u]enemy[/u] fire was Lt. General Simon Bolivar, Jr. He was junior to Lt. General Lesley J. McNair, who was killed by U.S. bombers.
Rodney writes: "Highest-Ranking US Army officer killed in WW2 was Simon Bolivar Buckner, a 4-star General. He certainly outranked 3-star Lieutenant-General Lesley J. McNair, highest-ranking US Army officer who died in the ETO. Anyway, being bumped off by your own side doesn't really count; Buckner was actually killed by Japanese shellfire."
David M adds: "The USMC general killed on Okinawa was Gen. Simon Bolivar [u]Buckner[/u]. He was killed by artillery shrapnel while observing from a forward position."
[/indent][*]The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded in combat and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress.) [indent]The item above was confirmed by a note from Richard Graham of Canton, TX who says: The story about Calvin Graham enlisted in the navy at the age of 12 is a true story. he was a cousin of mine. The last time I talked to Calvin was at a family reunion several years before his death.
[/indent][*]At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika." All three were soon changed for PR purposes. [indent]Dave Walker writes: Insignia of the 45th Infantry Division. The 45th Infantry Division gained its nickname, "Thunderbird" division, from the gold thunderbird. This Native American symbol became the division's insignia in 1939. It replaced another previously used Native American symbol, a swastika, that was withdrawn when it became closely associated with the Nazi party.
[/indent][*]More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being killed was 71%. [indent]David M adds: "About the 30 mission tour that the Army Air Corps flyers had to fly during WW2. It had been 25 missions until late in the war when the tour was lengthened to 30. Flyers were "grandfathered" based on their enlistment/draft dates."[/indent][*]Not that bombers were helpless. A B-17 carried 4 tons of bombs and 1.5 tons of machine gun ammo. The US 8th Air Force shot down 6,098 fighter planes, 1 for every 12,700 shots fired. [indent]Bill Talbott, Major, USMC (Ret) offers some interesting [url=http://wilk4.com/humor/talbott_kill_claims.htm][color=#0000ff]Discussion of Aircraft Kill Claims[/color][/url].[/indent][*]Germany's power grid was much more vulnerable than realized. One estimate is that if just 1% of the bombs dropped on German industry had instead been dropped on power plants German industry would have collapsed.[*]Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.[*]It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. The tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet the tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely [u]not[/u] something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.[*]When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).[*]German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it wasn't worth the effort. [indent]According to Bill Douglas, the Me-264 was a prototype that never went into production. Although the design was theoretically possible of a mission to New York, there was never an operational aircraft to test the theory. One reason for canceling the project was that Hitler felt the isolated bombing of New York would do more to rile the US public against Germany than any damage that was achieved.
According to Captain Robert A. Lynn, the Me-264 V-1 DID FLY on 23 December 1942 but the Me-264 V-2 was destroyed in an air raid. The Ju-290 was the designated mid-air refueler for the Me-264. There was no loss of effort on the Germans part but the project suffered from the following: shortage of design and construction capacity, personal rivalries between Goring, Milch, and Messerschmitt, and shortage of production capacity. An air raid on 18 July 144 on Memmingen destroyed the Me-254 V-1 as well as parts of the V-3 and V-4. (cite: Hitler's Miracle Weapons-Volume 1: The Luftwaffe and Kriegsmarine by Friedrich George)
[/indent][*]A number of air crewman died of farts (ascending to 20,000 ft. in an unpressurized aircraft causes intestinal gas to expand 300%).[*]The Russians destroyed over 500 German aircraft by ramming them in mid-air (they also sometimes cleared mine fields by marching over them). "It takes a brave man not to be a hero in the Red Army" - Joseph Stalin[*]The US Army had more ships than the US Navy.[*]The German Air Force had 22 infantry divisions, 2 armor divisions and 11 paratroop divisions. None of them were capable of airborne operations. The German Army had paratroops that WERE capable of airborne operations. Go figure.[*]When the US Army landed in North Africa, among the equipment brought ashore were 3 complete Coca-Cola bottling plants.[*]Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for The German Army until the US Army captured them.[*]A malfunctioning toilet sank German submarine U-120. [indent]The U-120 was scuttled by her own crew on 2 May 1945 at Bremerhaven, Germany during Operation REGENBOGEN. Info from Captain Robert A. Lynn, Robert Bogash and [url=http://uboat.net/boats/u120.htm][color=#0000ff]uboat.net: U-120[/color][/url].
[/indent][indent]According to [url=http://www.armchairgeneral.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-14879.html][color=#0000ff]this thread[/color][/url], it wasn't U-120 that was lost this way, it was [url=http://uboat.net/boats/u1206.htm][color=#0000ff]uboat.net: U-1206[/color][/url] (KL Karl-Adolf Schlitt), though there were other issues involved too. The story and more details of this incident and of U-boat toilets are included [url=http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm175.htm#v17][color=blue]below[/color][/url][color=blue].[/color]
[/indent][*]The Graf Spee never sank. The scuttling attempt failed and the ship was bought as scrap by the British. On board was Germany's newest radar system. [indent]The Graf Spee [u]did[/u] sink when scuttled, but only in waters less than 25 ft deep. It was [u]not[/u] bought as scrap by the British, and in fact lay in the silt in the River Plate estuary in Uruguay. An effort is being made to raise her to turn her into a ship museum. See "[url=http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,,1104786,00.html][color=#0000ff]Salvage Team Prepares to Raise WWII Ship[/color][/url]" for more details of her sinking and the recovery effort. (Thanks to Lewis Perelman for the info)
[/indent][*]One of Japan's methods of destroying tanks was to bury a very large artillery shell with only the nose exposed. When a tank came near enough a soldier would whack the shell with a hammer. "Lack of weapons is no excuse for defeat." - LtGen Mutaguchi[*]Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops [url=http://www.multipointproductions.com/heroes/henri/the-battle-for-kiska-story.htm][color=#0000ff]stormed ashore at Kiska[/color][/url]. 32 troops (28 Americans and 4 Canadian) were killed in the fire fight and over 50 wounded. It would have been worse if there had been Japanese on the island. [indent]From John Arterbury. Invasion of Kiska deaths were all due to friendly fire. The correct numbers are 28 Americans dead and four Canadian dead. Cite: [url=http://www.multipointproductions.com/heroes/henri/the-battle-for-kiska-story.htm][color=#0000ff]Canadian Heroes - The Battle for Kiska[/color][/url]. Note: this article is fascinating, and says "[i]It was the Battle of Kiska that would lead Time magazine to create the acronym, JANFU (joint army-navy foul-up).[/i]"
According to Captain Robert A. Lynn, PAO, Florida Guard, in addition to the men KIA by friendly fire, 50 men were WIA from friendly fire while another 130 suffered trench foot.
[/indent][*]The MISS ME was an unarmed Piper Cub. While spotting for the US artillery her pilot saw a similar German plane doing the same thing. He dove on the German plane and he and his co-pilot fired their pistols damaging the German plane enough that it had to make a forced landing. Whereupon they landed and took the Germans prisoner. I don't know where they put them since the MISS ME only had 2 seats. [indent]Mark Anderson wrote: "In regards to the duel of two spotter aircraft doing battle during the last days of WW2, Cornelius Ryan wrote of the incident in his book [url=http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684803291/wilk4-20][color=#0000ff]Last Battle[/color][/url]. While enroute to scout the area around Berlin Lts. Duane Francies and William Martin, in the last "dogfight" between Americans and Germans in WW2, took on a Fieseler "Storch" under pistolfire from their L-4 Cub, forced the Storch to crash land and its two occupants to be captured by an American troop convoy which had watched the action from below. The above account was also verified to me by correspondence from Mr. Martin in 2003."
[/indent][*]Most members of the Waffen SS were not German.[*]The only nation that Germany declared war on was the USA.[*]During the Japanese attack on Hong Kong British officers objected to Canadian infantrymen taking up positions in the officer's mess. No enlisted men allowed you know.[*]Nuclear physicist Niels Bohr was rescued in the nick of time from German occupied Denmark. While Danish resistance fighters provided covering fire he ran out the back door of his home stopping momentarily to grab a beer bottle full of precious "Heavy Water." He finally reached England still clutching the bottle. Which contained beer. I suppose some German drank the Heavy Water.[/list]

[size=4]关于意大利：[/size]
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[size=4][color=black]1美军轰炸撒丁岛前面两个小岛，上面驻扎了１万多意大利人，但是最后盟军轰炸总共炸死了４０多名意大利人，意大利就接受了美军飞行员的劝降。

2北非战争前期，一个意大利要塞在英军打了几梭子子弹后就打了白旗，意军指挥官一本正经地对英军指挥官说：“我们已经打完了最后一发子弹。”这时要塞里他的身边堆满了意大利制造的军火。
3在南斯拉夫，一名被游击队俘虏的德军军官十分惊讶地问：“你们哪来的反坦克炮啊？”当游击队员告诉他是从他们的盟军——意大利人手里缴获的后，他感慨不已：“唉！这些可爱的意大利人。”
4北非战役，英军坦克向意大利的反坦克炮阵地冲锋，数量不多，冲锋开始的时候，意大利人开炮还击，刚射击了两三分钟，突然停止抵抗，举了白旗，当英国人问及原因，意大利人理直气壮地说道：“因为我们的弹药箱没有撬棍打开，所以我们被迫投降。”

5 １９４０年６月３０日，意大利驻利比亚总督巴尔博元帅在托卜鲁克上空被意大利自己的高射炮兵击落。意大利人为了掩饰这一惨重的不幸事件，便宣布元帅是在同英国人进行空战中遇难的。格拉齐亚尼元帅成了他的继任者。这可能是意大利防空部队在二战中战果最辉煌的一仗了，可与美军猎杀山本五十六相媲美。顺便说一句，巴尔博是二战中被误伤的军人中军衔最高的人。

6 在北非，５０００人的意大利军队遇到一个连的英军设下的路障后就地缴械了

7英军长官通过电台询问坦克手抓了多少个俘虏，得到的回答是1英亩军官，9英亩士兵。

8由于战俘太多，英军来不及造战俘营了，只是让军需官发给意大利战俘原材料，让他们自己搭个战俘营把自己关起来。

9一个德军军官发现两个英军压着差不多一个连的意大利战俘，为了解救他们，向英军射击。结果意大利人终于跑起来了，不过是朝英军阵地跑去。

10.托布鲁克之围时，隆美尔一大早巡视阵地，发现一个精锐的意大利火枪营的防区里空空如野，只有一地鸡毛。[/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=black]11别国都在全力开发新武器时，义大利想吃好吃的军食而发明了冷冻真空干燥[/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=black]12「晚上敌人也会想睡觉，怎么可能被夜袭」隔天就被偷袭投降[/color][/size]
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[size=4][color=black]13在机场调查燃料不足的原因才发现没有燃料管理部门[/color][/size]
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[size=4]      见惯了二战的腥风血雨，大国间的尔虞我诈，偶尔看看乌龙战也挺有意思的。文章里的事情流传很广，可信度大概有六、七成吧，我挑几条查了查，还算属实（似乎我有些无聊），毕竟外国人对待二战也不是实事求是的，有些问题在文中也用红色标示，算是提个醒吧。其实大家也不用较这个真，战争嘛，有时候感觉就像小孩子打架，很多事情在千百年后的人看来只不过是笑料罢了。[/size]
[size=4]      顺便提一下，原文中有些没有列出来，主要是感觉并不好笑，例如19条，讲的是中国和东南亚人用锤子抗击日军坦克的自杀式攻击方式。或许在外国人看来有些意思，我却觉得一点也不好笑，有得也只是默默的哀伤。

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[[i] 本帖最后由 summony 于 2009-5-23 20:53 编辑 [/i]]

有些东西没有翻译出来吧，比如关于B-17装有4吨炸弹和1。5吨机枪子弹，美国第八航空队（似乎是这么翻）击落6098架战斗机，平均没12700发子弹击落一架（B-17不愧是空中堡垒啊）

大千世界，无奇不有，
就好像日本的第四师团，几乎齐装满员、面色红润的回归日本，
还有，日本的雪风，从39年下水，到45年日本投降，几乎参加了所有的重大海战，受的最重的伤就是被击中弹药库，但没炸，舰上的船员在整个二战中似乎只死了4个，还是5个，每次出战都能救一船的人回来
还有美国的一条船，叫啥名字忘记了，一船的新人，向着罗斯福坐的军舰发射鱼雷，差点把老罗送进海底，

说实在话，德国装上了意大利人也是倒了八辈子霉啊！就是垃圾！

二戰因爲有了意大利人而變得有趣的多了，似乎是他們的民族天性使然。

意大利人只能作商人啊，实在是不适合作为一种战士来进行血战，他们的民族性似乎就决定了这样的事情，不过，说起来，他们的海战似乎还算是不错，可是却并没有给他们发挥的余地，其实，自从罗马帝国分裂之后，罗马人就已经变成了享乐的代名词了，说起来也很是可悲啊，如果没有教皇的照顾，可能意大利早就被人给收拾了，可同样，也只有他们才能有足够的钱来支撑那些像吸血鬼一样的神职人员。

德国人还是有些死板，不过说起来，战争一旦进入僵持阶段，有时候就是很容易出现这样好笑的事情，一种惯性把，彼此之间死死人，爆几次炸，开一会儿枪，然后就剩下乐儿无聊的时光了

呵呵，残酷的战争，也有搞笑的一面啊。有趣。

挺不错的，很搞笑，尤其是第十二条德军潜艇与第十三条德军布雷艇．真的很好笑，让血腥的二战不那么的压抑，让人能有一丝丝的喘气的空间．从楼主发的贴子中可以看德国人与意大利人的区别．对于意大利军队的感觉应该与大家一样，德军碰上这么个盟友真是有苦自己知道呀．呵呵．
楼主讲的第１９条关于中国及东南亚人用锤子抗击日军的坦克，对楼主心中的那份哀伤感同身受呀，希望我们国家以后不要再出现这种情况了．

最近看过史上最牛历史老师讲的课,对意大利有了进一步的印象.

别的不说，就德国潜艇被坦克击沉和第十三条德军布雷艇撞倒自己的水雷沉没我以前在世界军事上都看到过，当时可真是把我华丽的雷倒了，确实在诺大一个战场上发生一些乌龙事件可以理解，但是一旦你遇到了，确实又会觉得那是多么的不可思议。还有就是关于中国士兵用大刀和轻武器对日军坦克进行自杀式攻击的时候，我心里真不是滋味，一为那些可敬的抗战烈士肃然起敬，二为他们壮烈牺牲的方式感到莫大的哀伤，落后啊，是多么可怕的，多么致命的，希望能够永远教训着我们，鞭策着我们。

事实证明，选择意大利做盟友是十分不值的。一战的时候，意大利就是第一个退出同盟国，最后居然还作为战胜国参加会议，二战的时候，墨索里尼的统治让意大利不得不狠狠地打了一阵子，但意大利部队的战术水平和战斗力比起德国就差得远了，在北非，几十万的意大利军队被几万人的英军打得落花流水，最后不得不让沙漠之狐出战，当时沙漠之狐对意大利人真是深恶痛绝，连美国人都戏称给自己找麻烦的人为“我们这的意大利人”。
可见……不知道说什么好了，在经典的二战中，这也是比较诡异的游戏吧

呵呵，不少是很好玩，但是用冷兵器去阻击坦克只能是我们的悲哀，国弱被人欺，迟早要还回来。

哈哈 这些事件现在看起来可真是搞笑啊，意大利可被人侮辱的够惨啊

真的很雷人,特别是那被坦克击沉的潜艇,那丫也太倒霉了.

有的我知道，但是有的我就是第一次看了。不过很有意思。

意大利,一直都是个笨蛋,德国还和意大利同盟,唉

还有一艘德国潜艇浮出水面时发现一艘英国驱逐舰在准备午餐，英国人手上只有土豆，就那么砸过去，德国潜艇下潜后没跑多远就触礁沉没了

呵呵,意大利很搞笑的,上面第2条和第4条其实是一个故事,
实际上意大利军队战斗力确实是最低的,入侵埃塞俄比亚也是打了很长时间
才在德国帮助下成功

二战时期的意大利实在太垃圾了，德国摊上这样个盟友算是倒霉，没什么用处还要派兵去帮忙。

搞笑,有趣。大千世界，无奇不有啊。呵呵，残酷的战争啊